Five Horror Films that Will Never (or Should Never) be Remade…

For better or for worse, it seems that Hollywood studios are pumping out remakes at an unheard of pace.  Some of the most classic and beloved horror icons are being rehashed, remade and recycled for a newer and younger audience.  Some find this troublesome, others find it encouraging, but the truth is somewhere in between.  It’s a new age and new faces want to see new, bloodier takes on classic films.

While there really is no stopping this phenomenon, we at LAHorror.com would like to share our top five horror films that should not EVER be remade.

5.  “Jaws”

Of all of the films on this list, “Jaws” probably has the best chance of remaining untouched.  Could you imagine a “Jaws” remake?  Sheriff Brody (now played by Ryan Reynolds) is trying to close the beach much to the dismay of the thousands of Spring Breakers trying to host their bikini competition.  Hmmm…it actually sounds like it could be okay, but let’s not find out either way.

4.  “The Exorcist”

Remaking this one would seem almost like a joke on itself at this point.  Exorcism movies are popping up all of the time now, some of them are actually pretty good too, but they all strive to do what only The “Exorcist” could do.  Nobody will ever match Linda Blair’s performance as Reagan and nobody will create an exorcism film as raw and shocking.  “The Exorcist” (like “Jaws”) has transcended out of the horror genre entirely and is more of a staple of American cinema in general.  Trying to reboot it would be like playing with a Ouija board:  who knows what you’d summon but it probably wouldn’t be good.

3.  “Child’s Play”

There is buzz around a “Child’s Play” remake and there has been for some time.  If handled delicately a “Child’s Play” remake could be pretty good, however what worries me about this idea is what they would do with Chucky.  Would you create a new doll entirely?  And what of Brad Dourif, Chucky’s sinister voice?  We’ve seen what recasting can do to a horror remake and it’s often not pretty (i.e. “Nightmare on Elm Street”).  Could you imagine a new Chucky with a new voice?  Chucky is the killer doll in cinema.  He wasn’t the first, but he’s the biggest and he should stay that way, just as he is.

*Literally as this article was being written MGM announced two new “Child’s Play” films, one sequel and one re-make in pre-production.  The good news?  Brad Dourif is supposedly attached to both projects…for now…

2.  “The Evil Dead”

Yes, this film is being remade.  The good news is that Sam Raimi wrote the screenplay and Bruce Campbell is attached as a producer.  The bad news is it won’t be the same “Evil Dead.”  “The Evil Dead” is one of those movies that’s way better than it ever should have been.  It masterfully blends horror, extreme gore and black comedy into a zombie, demon and chainsaw filled bloodbath.  Every scene in The Evil Dead seems to outdo the previous one tenfold.  This remake has some big shoes to fill and is going to have to be absolutely bonkers if it expects to live up to the original.

1.  “Cannibal Holocaust”

You simply can’t remake this movie.  It can’t be done nor should it.  “Cannibal Holocaust” is arguably the most controversial and horrific film ever made, the release of it alone inspired arrest warrants for the filmmakers.  While director Ruggero Deodato has been trying (unsuccessfully) to make a companion piece, the original has remained in tact and always should.  Some films are just too horrific to recreate, and even if you somehow could match the ferocity and raw violence of the original, no theater in America would ever touch it.

Is there a chance that all of these will be remade eventually?  Of course, and time will tell if it was worth the effort.  In the mean time, what other horror films would you consider off-limits?

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